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Recently a lovely client asked me,
“When I’m on a first date, how can I know that he and I really want the same things? How can I recognize the dating red lights so I don’t put a bunch of time and energy into someone who’s going to end up disappointing me?”
Here’s what I told her:
First, know that dating is not a relationship. It’s just a date. On a first date, you probably won’t learn everything you’d like to know about this other person and they won’t learn everything they’d like to know about you.
Second, go in with an open mind. Don’t assume you are being lied to. If you believe you are always going to be lied to when you are dating, it means there are some deeper blocks about love that we need to work on healing.
Get the help of an energy healer like myself to help you remove those deeper blocks to love so they can stop sabotaging your Love Life. That way, you’ll know the difference between your limiting beliefs or past wounds and actual dating red lights.
Third, if you DO see the dating red lights, believe them.
Here are some common ones. If you see these, run the other way!
#1: He talks really negatively about his mother.
When a man has a super negative view of his mother, he may have a seriously difficult time trusting women. He may have real reasons to be upset with her, but that doesn’t mean you should be dating him.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking you’re going to save him or heal him. This is something he needs to work on healing for himself before he is ready to date.
#2: He trash-talks his ex – especially bad if he and his ex have children together.
When a man is able to make things work with an ex for the sake of their children, it shows a high level of emotional maturity, responsibility and commitment. Even if they didn’t get along well, trash-talking the mother of his children is just a really bad look…and it shows you what you’re in for if things ever sour between the two of you.
#3: He is nasty or rude to service people.
You’ve seen this guy. He orders people around arrogantly in restaurants. He throws his keys to the valet. He makes you feel like apologizing to everyone for his behavior. Anyone who thinks it’s OK to behave like a jerk to someone who is providing a service to him IS a jerk. Could be insecurities, could be bad manners…either way, this demonstrates a lack of respect and empathy. Pass.
#4: He says he doesn’t want to get married (or never wants to get married again) and you DO.
This one leads to soooo many broken hearts! If he says he doesn’t want to get married, resist the voice inside that says, “But maybe I could change him once he sees how special and amazing I am.” You ARE special and amazing, but you and he DO NOT want the same things right now. It is NOT personal. If he says he doesn’t want to get married, PLEASE BELIEVE HIM and move on.
#5: He is late more than once or twice.
If he’s late once, chalk it up to life happening. Everyone has things come up from time to time and the stuck-in-traffic struggle is REAL in the L.A./Orange County area! But if he is late more often than he’s on time, it may mean that his life is too messy to be able to give time to dating you.
#6: He doesn’t do the things he says he is going to do.
When you’re getting to know someone new, a good rule of thumb is to believe what they DO rather than what they SAY. Trust is a huge factor in commitment. To be able to have a good relationship, you need to be able to trust each other to do what you say you’ll do. If what they do matches what they say, great. But if they DON’T do what they say they will, especially now during these early getting-to-know-you stages of dating, that’s a big dating red light.
One final thought…
Once you’ve healed your love blocks, trust your instincts. If it doesn’t feel right to you, you don’t need anybody’s permission to stop dating him. Just stop. Trust your gut.
Pssst! Steal my proven 3-step formula for attracting marriage-minded men HERE.