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Tell me if this has ever happened to you:
- You talk to a friend about what you want in a man and she tells you that your standards are “too high”, “unrealistic”, “that type of man doesn’t exist”, etc.
- You talk to some married friends about what you want in your future husband and they tell you you should just settle for a good man who likes you
- People in your family keep asking about your Love Life and giving their unsolicited advice which is supposed to be “helping” you, but always makes you feel worse when you leave them
Well today, we’re gonna talk about how to STOP the negativity of your friends and family from squashing your dreams and killing your Love Life.
But first, why do they do that? They’re supposed to be your friends and family…people who love you, right?
Why aren’t they being more supportive?
- They are usually totally unconscious of how their thoughts and behaviors are hurting you and they actually think they are doing you a favor by protecting you from disappointment.
- They are invested in you staying the same so they can think of you a certain way. It messes up their view of themselves and their place in the world when you change and grow.
What about my married negative friends? They’re happy. Don’t they want me to be too?
- Your married friends may feel a teeny bit superior to you, because they are married and you are still in the dating world. It’s silly and unfair, but unfortunately that’s how a lot of people think even if they don’t admit it.
- Your married friends may also feel a teeny bit jealous of you, because you can sleep with whomever you want! Plus, your married friends may wonder deep down if better partners are out there for THEM. You still have the chance to find out and to create your dream relationship with an amazing partner. If your married friends have a feeling that they might have settled, they could harbor some resentment toward you because you haven’t!
That’s crazy! But what about my single negative friends. They want the same thing I do. Why aren’t they being more positive and supportive of me finding love?
The two most common reasons are:
- They don’t want to be alone in the single pool while you move on.
- They don’t want you to prove that it’s possible to meet a good man because it shows that their choice to settle or give up was wrong.
Here’s what you can do to stop these well-meaning people from messing up your Love Life with their negative energy.
Stop letting everybody in on your business.
- Be a good judge of who you allow on your “Mental Council”. Not everyone in your life gets a seat and even those who do get a seat don’t always get a vote.
- Only share with women who are supportive. Check out the Secret Seduction Sorority if you want to be in a safe, supportive community of loving, heart-centered women.
It’s OK to get excited about the your growth, but don’t try to change anyone else.
- Everyone grows at different rates. Try to let your friends grow at a pace that’s right for them and to let go of the need to “fix” others.
- Remind yourself that it’s not your job to help them move beyond a negative mindset. Your job is to heal yourself.
- Don’t show friends that you can manifest good things in life by quoting Gabby Bernstein. Show them it’s possible to manifest a good Love Life by manifesting a good Love Life. THEN they may actually be willing to listen to your advice – they may even ASK for it. 🙂
Be clear, firm and kind about your own boundaries.
If you’re tired of people in your family bringing up your Love Life, it would be helpful to summon up your courage and tell them you won’t be discussing your Love Life with them anymore.
- They will test you. Say it again. If they do it again and you’re on the phone. Tell them you will hang up if it comes up again. If it comes up again, say, “OK, I’m hanging up now. We’ll talk another time. Bye.” Hang up. If it’s in person, leave.
- You TEACH people how to treat you by what you allow. They won’t like it but they’ll get used to it and adjust after a while. Or they won’t and you’ll minimize the time you spend with them.
- You don’t have to get angry or upset and yell and scream. You’re an adult. If someone told you the sky was green, you wouldn’t yell and scream at them, right?
- It can be hard to be honest but standing up for yourself is worth it.
Remember, if you need a supportive community of POSITIVE, non-judgmental women who encourage you on your journey to love, check out the Secret Seduction Sorority.