There are so many “gurus” out here, usually men, telling women some kind of ridiculousness about how to finally attract real, lasting love.
IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY.
They aren’t truly interested in helping anyone find love, they are just preying off of our insecurities so that they can make money off of us.
These gurus usually tell us that they’re only giving us these harsh criticisms and this blunt advice for our own good.
They want us to think that they are telling us the “hard truth” that no one else will tell us.
They are ALL OVER Instagram. All over YouTube.
I won’t name any names, but I know you know who I’m talking about.
They want us to believe it is childish to expect to be treated with adoration by our partners.
They want to shame us as gold diggers if we dare to express our desire for a partner who shares our abundance mindset so that we can live a prosperous lifestyle together.
They even want us to think that expecting honesty, good communication and empathy from a man is unrealistic.
They talk about what women should “bring to the table” as though love is transactional.
At their best, they are trying to coach us in how to win at a game our hearts don’t want to have to play.
At their worst, they are flat out misogynistic and they are speaking death and destruction over our dreams of a loving partner who takes care of our hearts.
Here are some of the lies we’ve been told about our ability to attract a quality, loving, high-status, provider-type partner (lies that I know are FALSE after working with hundreds of women):
? MYTH: If we want an attractive, well-suited partner and we are over 40, we need to lose weight or look like Halle Berry.
TRUTH: Your Right Partner will be attracted to you as you are right now. He will think you are beautiful RIGHT NOW. He will notice you RIGHT NOW. You don’t have to change for that to happen. Don’t believe me? Alison Armstrong, celebrated relationship coach and “manthropologist” interviewed several hundred men about their perfect body type and found that for every single female body type out there, there were men who LOVE that body type. The idea that all men want a particular body type is a media-based lie. But when we hate our own bodies or don’t love them as they are, we will attract men into our lives who mirror that.
? MYTH: If we are 40+ or if we have children, we need to lower our expectations, because we aren’t as valuable of a partner as we believe we are.
TRUTH: This lie was made up by men who are not able to meet the common dating expectations most women have. They can’t meet the standard, so they want us to think THE STANDARD ITSELF is the problem. It’s about protecting their egos when they are feeling powerless about where they are in their lives. Your Right Partner is NOT in that pool of potential partners.
? MYTH: Our independence, education, career status and/or income level make us intimidating to men.
TRUTH: This one has a bit of truth to it, because we ARE intimidating to me. We are intimidating to the men who are WRONG for us. The men who make great partners actually DELIGHT in our brilliance, respect how hard we’ve worked in our careers, and make it safe for us to experience healthy interdependence by being reliable, trustworthy and emotionally available.
You are worthy of love RIGHT NOW.
You deserve love RIGHT NOW.
It’s not about changing yourself, dating on the apps like it’s a part time job, or putting yourself out there more.
We don’t make love happen. We make love welcome.
Let’s talk about what that looks like for you, so that you can have the love and life you deserve in 2023.