I’m going to share a secret with you that most people don’t know about love. 

Most things in life, you can achieve through hustle. The job you want, the physical fitness you want, the money situation you want (to some extent). NOT LOVE.

Love is different, because attracting love is about making your energy a match to love, clearing out all of the obstacles in your energy that keep love from coming in. 

You don’t make love happen, you make love welcome.

 

And you do that by healing the 5 Breakup Wounds that live in our energy after heartbreak.

It doesn’t matter if your breakup was 5 years ago, or 5 days ago. If these 5 breakup wounds are not addressed at a deep, energetic level, attracting healthy, loving, satisfying relationships will be like driving with your parking break on. 

Maybe you only have one of these Breakup Wounds, maybe you have all 5. 

Since having these things in our energy actually REPELS healthy love, it’s really important for us to talk about them. 

So today, I’m going to show you how to recognize the 5 Breakup Wounds, so that you can get a sense of whether you have one of these and heal them and attract new love. 

BREAKUP WOUND #1: ANGER

DO THIS HEALING WORK IF YOUR EX:

  • Cheated on you
  • Lied to you
  • Moved on quickly to someone else after your breakup

WOMEN WHO HAVE THIS WOUND SAY THINGS LIKE:

“My ex was a habitual cheater and was soooo good at hiding it…and we LIVED together!”

“After what he did to me, I don’t even think he deserves to be happy…”

“I can’t understand why I’m having such a hard time moving on and it’s so easy for him…”

 

YOUR MAIN MOTIVATION: TO GET REVENGE

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE THIS BREAKUP WOUND IF:

  • You feel like he doesn’t deserve to move on and have happiness until he makes things right with you
  • You want to see him beg you for forgiveness
  • You want to see him hurting the way he hurt you
  • You want revenge or to see him suffer

You really want hateful stuff to happen to him! 

That’s UNDERSTANDABLE, because sometimes anger is righteous and forgiveness is just a spiritual shortcut. 

BREAKUP WOUND #2: CONFUSION

DO THIS HEALING WORK IF YOUR EX:

  • Seemed genuinely attached to you and then abruptly changed his behavior without an explanation that made sense
  • Ghosted you (left without explanation)
  • Reached out to you for sex but was never committed to you in the way that you wanted
  • Never seems to be able to leave you alone completely, comes back after a predictable amount of time

WOMEN WHO HAVE THIS WOUND SAY THINGS LIKE:

“I don’t know why he never chose me or appreciated me…”

“The worst part about the breakup was wondering why I wasn’t enough and the almost obsessive thoughts about my ex…”

“I mean, he opens up, gets vulnerable, tells me stuff he never shared with anyone else…but then it’s like he gets too close and has to bail. I’ve done this dance for over a year and I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE…”

 

YOUR MAIN MOTIVATION: TO UNDERSTAND his intentions, CLOSURE

 

BREAKUP WOUND #3: SHAME

This one is very insidious. If you have this breakup wound, you might be hiding it. That keeps you from healing it, because as Brené Brown says, shame thrives in secrecy and silence. We have to be willing to shine a light on it if we’re going to heal it. 

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE THIS BREAKUP WOUND IF:

  • Blame yourself for ignoring the “red flags”
  • Were the “side chick” in the relationship, knowingly or unknowingly
  • Secretly want your ex back, but are embarrassed to admit it

If any of these statements resonate with you, you have a Shame Breakup Wound that needs to heal. 

WOMEN WHO HAVE THIS BREAKUP WOUNDS SAY THINGS LIKE:

“Of course once he truly got to know me and I opened up to him he rejected me…”

“I ignored so many red flags I don’t even know if I trust my own judgement anymore…”

“I blame myself that I could have behaved differently so it could have all turned out a different way…”

 

YOUR MAIN MOTIVATION: To avoid possibility of someone rejecting you because of the secret you are carrying

BEFORE WE CONTINUE, IT’S IMPORTANT TO NOTE: 

  • You are not bad for having these breakup wounds!
  • You are not destined to be stuck forever!
  • Everyone has stuff to heal and release. Some people will deal with their stuff and have a good life and others will ignore their stuff and keep repeating it until they’ve finally learned the lessons. You can choose to heal and move on. 

 

BREAKUP WOUND #4: GRIEF

DO THIS HEALING WORK IF YOU:

  • Feel like you lost your closest confidant and best friend
  • Mourn for the loss of your dreams for your future
  • Long for the comfort, routine and security of the relationship you left behind

WOMEN WHO HAVE THIS BREAKUP WOUND SAY THINGS LIKE:

“The hardest thing about the breakup was grieving for someone who is still alive…”

“There’s this hopelessness and I miss him every day…”

“I feel so alone, like I lost a piece of my soul…”

 

Our society has a huge problem with women’s anger. This leads to many women expressing the Grief Breakup Wound when they actually have the Anger Breakup Wound (or both). Angry women are dismissed and diminished in our society, because a patriarchy is threatened by powerful women and a righteously angry woman is VERY powerful. For that reason, many women unconsciously choose to express grief/sadness because it is perceived as less threatening to others. If you suspect this may be the case in your situation, do the work for the Grief Breakup Wound AND the Anger Breakup Wound.

YOUR MAIN MOTIVATION: To feel comforted, to relieve your sadness and loneliness

BREAKUP WOUND #5: FEAR

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE THIS BREAKUP WOUND IF:

  • You are avoiding getting back into the dating world because it doesn’t feel safe
  • You date compulsively to avoid being alone, but don’t make deep connections that evolve into relationships
  • You have sex early on because you believe men want that, but you don’t allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable

If any of these statements resonate with you, you have a Fear Breakup Wound that needs to heal. 

WOMEN WHO HAVE THIS BREAKUP WOUND SAY THINGS LIKE:

“With every breakup, my belief in good men and relationships is just melting and disappearing…”

“I think that I either pretend I’m OK with being alone because I expect it to happen or that I try to hang on too tight to someone to avoid it…”

“I’m overweight and I’m so worried that I won’t be able to find someone now who will be attracted to me…”

 

YOUR MAIN MOTIVATION: To feel safe by avoiding being truly emotionally vulnerable with someone new

Each of these Breakup Wounds has a different healing/soothing method that is required to deal with it. 

Understand that these wounds are NOT rational, they are on a deeper level. 

So don’t blame or criticize yourself for having these, you did the best you could at the time, let go of the blame. 

It’s never too late to be able to have what you want and you can absolutely move forward into the love that you want. 

Ready to start healing these Breakup Wounds today?

CLICK HERE to get the {free} e-book, The Heartache Cure™ so that you can heal each of these 5 Breakup Wounds once and for all and make your energy magnetic to the happy, healthy love you deserve.