When it comes to men, deal with them as they are and not how you’d like them to be.

— Greg Behrendt

Even if you didn’t grow up going to Sunday School, you know the Golden Rule.

To paraphrase, the Golden Rule is basically:
“Treat others how you want to be treated.”

Many ethical, compassionate people try to live by this rule as the standard for loving behavior in all of their relationships.

And they are making the #1 biggest relationship mistake people make. 

Because savvy people know that it’s not about treating other people how YOU want to be treated.

It’s about treating other people how THEY want to be treated. 

It’s a tiny mindset shift with a HUGE impact.

Here’s what I mean:

Let’s say you are a big-time hugger like me. The kind of warm-hearted, affectionate soul that likes to embrace people they’ve just met. When you hug other people, you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 

When you hug other people who are big-time huggers like you, they feel all warm and fuzzy inside too.

But when you hug other people who are very serious about their personal space, they DO NOT feel warm and fuzzy. They feel icky, like getting a big, wet facelick from an overly friendly, slobbery dog when you hate dogs. 

I’m not calling you a face-licking dog.

I’m saying your love (and my love) don’t feel like love to everyone.

I’m saying it’s time for you to upgrade to the Titanium Rule.

The Titanium Rule
Treat others the way THEY want to be treated.


So how do you do that? 

  1. First, you accept them for who they are, which means you stop trying to change them.
  2. Next, you learn who they are and what they need so you can understand how to give it to them.

(You can also check out The 3 Most Important Ways to Show Love to Your Honey.)

By understanding the four personality types (it’s easy and fast),  you can give people what they need, instead of what you THINK they need…which is probably really just what YOU need. 

The personality types below are described in terms of the element of nature they most closely resemble – Earth, Air, Water or Fire. In my personality system that I use when coaching clients, I call this their Strongest Element. 

Click here to take the Quiz and find out which is YOUR Strongest Element, or just read on and see which one resonates with you the most. 

The Earth Element

Earth Element personalities are drawn to order, structure and tradition. They are highly dependable, responsible, and reliable. They respect authority. They love crossing off their to-do lists. They are parental. On a bad day, they can be stubborn martyrs. But like the Earth, they are solid and stable.

Earth Elements Express Love By:
Taking care of the practical needs and day to day lives of the people they love.

The Water Element

These people are sympathetic, caring listeners. You feel comfortable confiding in them instantly. They focus on developing potential – in themselves and in others. They are romantic, compassionate and empathetic. On a bad day they are fickle drama queens. But like an ocean wave on a summer day, they are warm and nurturing.

Water Elements Express Love By:
Doing romantic things, giving compliments and encouraging loved ones to reach their potential.

The Air Element

Air Elements are open-minded, logical, rational people. They consider all sides of a situation before making decisions. They research. They are experts in whatever they are passionate about. They explore big ideas. They are intellectual and academic by nature and comfortable with complexity. On a bad day they can be sarcastic perfectionists. But like a wide-open sky, they are all about possibilities.

Air Elements Express Love By:
Solving problems for loved ones with rational, logical solutions.

The Fire Element

Fire Element personalities are always in motion. They are energetic go-getters. Of all personality types, Fire Elements are the most comfortable with change. They are determined, resourceful and able to rebuild easily. Naturally optimistic and charismatic, they are often the life of the party. On a bad day they can be competitive and self-destructive, but like a roaring bonfire, they are magnetic and dynamic.

Fire Elements Express Love By:
Taking their loved ones out for spontaneous adventures.

Now it’s your turn. How do YOU like to express love? Let me know in the comments below.

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